How To Have Successful And Fun Play Dates with an Active Child

 

Play dates with an active and strong-willed child can be less than organized.  Sure, we can set the date and time, and I can generally get out the door on time (for now).  

But, once we are there, J struggles with patience and focus, unless it’s something HE wants to do.  He will usually be the child off playing in the corner or running as far away as possible from the group at a park.  Rather than sitting to enjoy a toy, J prefers to jump, run, climb, chase and throw (something we are working on…).

 

For example, one of my mom groups is having a meet up where the kids are going to paint rocks at a kitchen table.  

We arrive prepared with a change of clothes and a painting apron to try to avoid needing said change of clothes. J needs time to adjust to a new place so I give him time to run around so long as he is making “good choices” (not breaking things, being kind to others and generally not interfering in the provided activity).

When it comes time to do the painting, I will place the apron on him and sit him at the table. He gets excited to mix the colors and make a horrible mess. What follows is usually paint in his hair, water cups spilled, paint on the paper plate under the rock (with very little on the actual rock) and jealousy at the child next to him who is using exactly the same paint brushes and paint (but if someone else has them they are soooooo much more interesting and fun).  That’s ten minutes in…then he’s bored and wants to be done.

This applies to almost every activity or gathering with any sort of structured play. Most of the time I roll with it and hold him to at least trying the activity before he’s off doing his own thing. The problem arises when we have paid for a class (which is rare given our budget and his lack of participation), and my frustration rises as he resists the wonderful activity I have planned and forked over money to enrich his little brain – being a “good” parent, right?

Most of the time, I have given up on any sort of paid class that hasn’t already proven to be enjoyable for J and, in relation, myself. But, if I take a step back and really think about how to make it work, here are some things I know about my child:

  • Needs to investigate a new place before there is even a chance of participating in activities
  • Has a hard time sitting still for crafts
  • Loves to be with friends (pronounced “fends”)
  • Currently plays side-by-side rather than directly with other kids
  • Loves loves loves physical play
  • Enjoys being outdoors, but he will test his boundaries by running as far away as possible (true of anywhere that isn’t contained)

So by looking at this list, I know what to expect and, hopefully, some ways to make play dates more enjoyable for everyone. I may choose to join a paid class to expose Jimmy to new experiences, but I can either:

  1. Change my expectations of total involvement
  2. Try to find a class that better matches what my son enjoys to do

Through some mom friends, I discovered a weekly toddler gymnastics class that was fairly inexpensive. I knew that this would have a bit of structure (to help J learn there are times for free play and times to listen and participate), but also incorporate his love of physical play.

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Our first visit was a bit of a trial on my patience – he ran everywhere within the gymnastics center rather than stay with the class (there was no way to get there early since the teacher needed to be present). He struggled with the starting stretches (a kind of “circle time”) with all the exciting trampolines and climbing structure around, and the goodbye song circle time at the end. But he had a blast! It was amazing to see him have so much fun – my face even hurt from smiling so much watching him bounce and laugh for the 50 minute class.

What I love about this example is that it incorporates a lot of what J loves and builds at least a little on the skills I would like for him to work on. We attend gymnastics weekly and through some practice and patience, he now has the hang of the structure and knows to stay with the class (though he still goes in areas he’s not supposed to sometimes).

Actively listen to your child – try to include things you know he or she will enjoy while still teaching your child the skills you know will be needed (and greatly appreciated) down the road. If you have an active child, it can be an amazing challenge to find ways to encourage participation in less active tasks or activities. Just keep at it, past the tantrums and frustration, and your child may surprise you when he or she starts to “get” it!

I love my little man with all my heart. Being a physical and active child is NOT a bad thing (it just poses some challenges). But I wouldn’t change him for the world!

I will discuss more in another post how I try to prepare J for changes without tantrums (like leaving a place he is enjoying or changes to the daily routine).

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13 Comments

  • Reply Sara June 21, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    Nice post! Really enjoyed reading this. I wish I had some mom groups over here to engage and keep my son happy. He is kind of active but content. Every mom experience this sort of feelings one way or the other. Thanks for sharing this! Sara@preciouswomb.com

    • Reply KrisBeeMama June 21, 2018 at 4:49 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! Have you tried MeetUp.com or even just supportive FB groups?

  • Reply Anna June 21, 2018 at 4:21 am

    You are a great mom for your boy. I love that you truly care about his needs 🙂

    • Reply KrisBeeMama June 21, 2018 at 1:48 pm

      Thanks! I try my best to help him in any way I can.

  • Reply Tal June 20, 2018 at 11:14 pm

    Play dates never go as planned! My twin boys are extremely active! I am at the playground now hoping they use up some energy. I love the idea of gymnastics class for the winter. We do the trampoline park but it is not structured. I love pool time because it is the only thing that seems to tire them out!

    • Reply KrisBeeMama June 20, 2018 at 11:33 pm

      Bath time helps, too! Thankfully, we have a bath with sliding doors so the splashing stays mostly contained!

  • Reply Danielle June 20, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    Beautiful story. Cherish these moments. It sounds like you have it figured out on what your kids likes to play and what he doesn’t. One day you’ll look back and miss it even if it can be stressful sometimes.

    • Reply KrisBeeMama June 20, 2018 at 2:54 pm

      Thanks! I get that advice a lot – I’m trying to cherish these days as much as I can!

  • Reply Joanne June 20, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Every child is different and it is great that you have found an activity suited to your child’s interests. I’m sure exposing him to mixing with other kids and taking part in gymnastics will be great for his development.

    • Reply KrisBeeMama June 20, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      I know a lot of kids that need high energy play. Gymnastics is always a good source of physical activity!

  • Reply Chelsea Faulkner June 20, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    I love these tips! My son can be a handful in learning to sit down to take part in certain activities. These tips are great ways to get him adjusted to different play date situations! Thank you for taking the time out to share 🙂

  • Reply Debbie Beaves September 15, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    I love the pictures of Jimmy! He is a beautiful soul. His sweetness is a treasure. Raising a child is a huge contribution to everyone’s future especially the child’s. Being raised by parents that do everything they can to make their child safe and loved in this world is a wonderful thing.

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